Dear Guest Blogger:
What’s the deal with zombies?
Specifically, why does everyone love them?
More specifically, why don’t I love them?
I suspect my lack of zombie love is getting in the way of some of my relationships, creating a gap between me and some of my favorite people.
Maybe it’s a generational thing. I am all about not acting my age, so I’ve decided to make a change.
I, Hippie Cahier, am going to set aside my peace, love, and dandelion-necklace ways and cross something off my Stuff I Want To Do List, because I am also all about multi-tasking: I’m going to watch a zombie movie.
Since I’m new to this, I want to do it right. Can you give me some tips for watching a zombie movie? How should I prepare? Oh, and if you have any suggestions for best zombie movies for beginners, I’d love to hear them!
Desperately Seeking Zombie Fever,
Advice from a Zombie Afficionado
What’s the deal with zombies? What’s the deal with zombies? Oh. My. Gosh. (::face palm::)
When you told me you were adding “Watch a zombie movie” to your bucket list, I was both shocked and overjoyed. Shocked because you’ve never seen a zombie movie, and overjoyed to accompany you on this zombie journey…especially since we first met on a zombie adventure.
So if you’re as inexperienced as the Hipster when it comes to zombies, read on. This post may save your life.
Here’s what you need to know about zombies:
1. Zombies are not your friends.
2. You can’t save a zombie. They’re already dead.
3. Some zombies run; some zombies walk; some zombies crawl, and some zombies dance the Thriller.
You never know what you’re up against, but you can be sure of one thing…
4. All zombies want to eat YOUR brains.
One day the zombie apocalypse will come, and you need to be prepared. I recommend following the Zombieland Rules. (Hipster, take notes. I’ll quiz you later.)
Take special notice of #8: Get a Kick-Ass Partner. For the Hipster’s purposes, that would be me. That’s why this kick-ass partner sent the Hipster an emergency brain to distract zombies from eating her brain.
Just toss the brain at the zombie and then run in the opposite direction.
In addition to being prepared, you need training. Specifically, I need to turn the Hipster into a zombie-killing machine. So I sent her this tear-apart zombie for practice.
The rest of you need to get your own kick-ass partner, emergency brains, and practice zombie. I’m only one person, and there’s only so much of me to go around.
So now the Hipster’s ready for her first zombie movie. Except for one little thing: Her kick-ass partner is missing. I’m coming, Hipster! Hold on just a little longer!
PS: When I get there, you better not be wearing any dandelion necklaces or peace signs. (::head shaking::)
Your Kick-Ass Partner,